Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?!

Greek is a really beautiful language. They did it first, they did it right, and they captured a lot of beauty in the world with their words. For example, the Greek word for painter is "zographos," which directly translates to "writer of life." I think that's rather delightful.

But then the cat brushes against the canvas and the painter yells, "Skatta!" The root of scat-- it means shit. Even bad words were once Greek words. Makes sense-- a civilization that invents geometry would almost have to invent some curses to go along with it.

Here are some of my favorite Greek potty-words/insults:

1) fito- I learned this one from the kids. Apparently "fito" is somewhere around "nerd" for us. It is someone who, quote: "Studies all the time and never does anything fun."

2) malaka- This is the clear favorite among the locals. You will hear this word thrown around constantly here. It is most closely related to "the f word" in English and is likewise used as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb, whatever. It can be said mean-spiritedly or also in a joking way. The kids throw it around in a casual, friendly tone all the time. If someone were to translate The Boondock Saints into Greek, the transcript would closely resemble a walk down the halls at Athens College.

3) bazo- The meaning of this one is a little unclear. I think it's something like "total loser" because one of my students told me that "someone who wears ugly clothes and is stupid is bazo."

4) oufo- I must admit, this one is my favorite. The word oufo is a phonetic translation of U.F.O. (as in unidentified flying object presumably from outer space). The meaning, thus, is something like "weirdo."

5) terras- This one is easy to remember because the word is the root of "terror" or "terrible." This word means monster, but the kids will use it as more of a casual insult instead of the way English speakers would think of monster as a severe, grave comment.

6) an incorrect order of zucchini- One of my favorite dishes here in Greece is fried zucchini balls. They are delicious and called kolokithiokeftedes. Be careful, though. The first part, kolo, is one word for ass; and the last part, keftedes, means balls. So, take care when requesting this delicious appetizer, or you could very easily be asking for an order of ass and balls. Which will most assuredly not end well for anybody.

You can thank me for this later. Since very few people in the world speak Greek, there is a little inside joke the people have of playing tricks on non-speakers to make them say bad words without knowing. For the moment, at least, you can dodge any bullets that may involve those words listed above. You're welcome.